A woman who is tired of her hair shaves off all her hair. A man who is very hairy
finds this attractive. But the hair keeps trying to poke its heads out of the woman.
One day, frustrated, the hairy man comes home from the office and for reasons
never fully explained, though apparently having something to do with the office, says, “I
wish so many things with teeth did not want to eat so many things without teeth.”
And the woman, who has grown tired of her hair for equally inexplicable reasons,
replies, “I don’t suppose you would understand if I attached your behind to a doorknob,
Flustered and uncertain about an acceptable response, the man who is very hairy
decides to put on his cowboy shirt for that special effect it has, at times, had upon the
woman, forgetting how much trouble he has had getting his hair caught in the snaps.
And so, unexpectedly, for once expressing himself with admirable clarity and
directness, the hairy man says, “My hair is always getting caught in the snaps on my
cowboy shirt.” Because it most certainly is true. Because he means it. And because he
doesn’t know what else to say.
And the now only partially hairless woman can tell by the tone in the hairy man’s
voice that he means what he is saying. And so she too begins to wish so many things with
teeth did not want to eat so many things without teeth, without even knowing why. And
she keeps on noticing all the heads still trying to poke their way out of her. And she tries
to do something about it. But soon the less and less hairless woman grows tired of all the
poking and wants control of her life back. This desire for something she never had may
lead her away from herself. Which may really be what the hairy man wants.
Being among the far too many things with teeth, the man and the woman cannot
alter the course of animal history with their nibbling at each other, but the desire to
become someone one is not needs no teeth to eat at one.
And yet the hairy man remains disinclined to understand the no longer hairless
woman’s desire to become the hairy man because he is busy chewing on his desire to
become the potentially hairless woman. And if one achieves one’s desire, will one then
desire the more-pronounced-because-it-was-more-misunderstood desire one had before
Rich Ives is the author of Tunneling to the Moon: A Psychological Gardener’s Book of Days currently being published in serial @ Silenced Press everyday in 2014 and forthcoming in paperback. Begin from the beginning, catch up, read daily. Just refer to the Burrow Guide.