On Recent Investigations into the Character and Habits of the Common Mole


Despite rumors, their activities near cemeteries bear no resemblance to any ancient
rituals. “Morbid,” however, translates to “rich soil” in their language. There is no
understanding of the word “hide” in their kingdom. They are ruled by “tremors,” not
blind passion, as had previously been reported. They have been known to display
affection for wooden spoons.
We are not their enemies, but their friends are not our friends.
Though they would never be found together, moles can be used to describe the
exact size of the throat of certain species of whales. A whale, on the average, will carry a
total number of body hairs incredibly similar to that of an average-sized mole but can
generally be said to have a greater understanding of the functions and characteristics of
these hairs.
Brown is not a color in their world but a way of life. White is the absence of life.
“Common” appears as the primary pronoun, replacing “you,” “me,” “he,” “they,” “it,”
and several others. Moles do not have a sense of humor. Nose jokes are as foreign to
them as the internal organs of earthworms are to us.
Moles have only one word for snow, meaning “misunderstood water.” Dreams are
know as “stars.” “The endless nest” is their way of speaking about their ancestors. To
translate claws from their language one must say “’To translate head, hands teeth, body
say “diggers.” Eating is known as “digger help.” Depending on the season, home is
known as “nest,” “hibernate,” or “the place to which I am digging.” The latter is the basis
of a mole religion. All others are based on decay. Suicidal tendencies are referred to as
“surfacing.” Mole poets have developed elaborate mythologies of light to explain fear to
mole children. To translate heart from their language say, “My stone is happy.” Darkness becomes “life.”

Fiction. Modern Abstract Fables.

(First edition, hardcover with dustjacket, 524 pages, $36.50 USD.)

Tunneling to the Moon: A Psychological Gardener’s Book of Days draws from fairy tales, a condescending of a 1938 Social Studies reader for 6th grade, an 1890 handbook on marital compatibility, numerous annoying educational advancement studies, the myths and legends of third-world countries and minority peoples, pulp fiction, a history of carnival side shows, folktales, frequent conversations with Crows, Owls and a wide variety of underground inhabitants, insects and the people who collect them, Joseph Cornell, Günter Eich, Russell Edson, the French Surrealist poets, the Quay Brothers, letterpress printing, and the author’s inability to channel his imagination linearly.

Begin from the beginning, catch up, read daily. Just refer to the Burrow Guide.

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