Eventually, I Began Raining
I had been carrying the seeds since I was a child and I had not planted them. The
leather pouch around my neck also held my memories of Maria and I opened it often.
When the supplicants passed, I turned away. They had taken the lives of so many
along with them and I could not bear to watch what was left marching in that studied
grace of avoidance and vacant smiles.
A few large drops of rain fell in the dust at my feet and I saw how the dirt clung to
them. I leaned my head back, mouth open wide, but the clouds ignored me and I tasted
only air. It tasted cool, edged with horse chestnuts.
A woman was following me, so I entered the forest. Ahead on the path I could hear
the forest’s silence calling. By the time we arrived at the wood temple, the air had filled
with a musky odor that seemed familiar but clung to me like a desperate stranger. I could
hear more rain in the canopy high above, but it did not reach us. I knew the woman was
still there, but I couldn’t find her in my reality. It was the perfect moment to fall asleep.
When I dreamed that my grandfather tried to kiss me, I decided it was about his
drinking. I followed the path deeper into the forest, which led to my home, and the stars
had come into my house with their bright little shoes on. My grandfather had already
greeted them and I could tell that Maria had opened her memories. I took from my pouch
the tiny little trees that were there in order to make room for some forest flowers I had
gathered. All of the seeds had sprouted and still I had no children.
If I leaned my head far enough forward into the future, only my shoes would be
holding me back, where I had been invited to participate in the past, muddy and
unintentional, but filled with evidence like little bathtubs. I didn’t know if I had been
invited in or asked to leave. I wasn’t available for questioning. I wasn’t obvious like that.
Rich Ives is the author of Tunneling to the Moon: A Psychological Gardener’s Book of Days currently being published in serial @ Silenced Press everyday in 2014 and forthcoming in paperback. Begin from the beginning, catch up, read daily. Just refer to the Burrow Guide.