A Few Positive Aspects of a Common Disorder
It was the happiest time of my life.
Because I wasn’t there anymore. I was here.
I was still palpably undulatory, but not in my direction.
Abstention from leaning trees was not a part of the regimen, but I had discovered a
more personal, and therefore rewarding, verticality.
Because the path to the future leads through the past, I understood what I had done
by noticing when I stopped. I was not entirely absent from this procedure and this meant
a virtual firestorm of uninvited pleasures. Irreparable enthrallment.
Despite the unpredictably brash resolution of the contraries, I remained irresolutely
betrothed to my ill-examined course of actions, which included several inclinations
towards stasis and metastasizing procrastination, and I persisted in indulgences I had not
previously understood I was providing myself.
I had grown in this way expendable. But it was not necessary to be necessary.
I could still remember that in those days I was a better liar because I thought my
lies were the truth. I didn’t know I was lying, so I was convincing. I could get you to
believe anything because I could get myself to believe anything.
As if I were living my life in a deeply restrained and therefore poorly attended and
aging sonnet, I celebrated a virtuosity of characteristic inhibitions, suspiciously
snake-like escaping movements held at the periphery.
Nature ignores me though I remain a brute friend.
Too much attention could heal me.
Rich Ives is the author of Tunneling to the Moon: A Psychological Gardener’s Book of Days currently being published in serial @ Silenced Press everyday in 2013. Begin from the beginning, catch up, read daily: Burrow Guide.